0 (2s):
What's shaking fire nation. JLD here with an audio master class on when business in marriage collide to drop these value bombs. I brought Amy Wine on the mic. She's a wife, mom, marriage therapist, business coach, and professional taco eater. She's the owner of Amy Wine counseling center in marriage sparks business coach from Michael Hyatt and company. And she is obsessed with real talk and real relationships, which is exactly what we're going to do today. We're going to talk about the values that impact your marriage in business. Can you have a successful business in marriage simultaneously? We'll discuss the number one reason for conflict in a marriage, with an entrepreneur and so much more fire nation.

0 (45s):
When we get back from thanking our sponsors, looking for a business coach who has helped thousands of entrepreneurs, just like you to increase your profitability by an average of 104% per year, all for less money than it would cost to hire a full-time minimum wage employee. Schedule your free consultation today with Clay Clark, a former small business administration entrepreneur of the year at thrivetimeshow.com/fire thrivetimeshow.com/fire. We're all looking for new ways to stay active from home these days and fight camp can help fight. Can't brings the boxing gym right to your home with a mix of cardio and conditioning for a full body workout. Visit joint fightcamp.com/fire.

0 (1m 25s):
To get free shipping on your new gym today, that's join fightcamp.com/fire. Amy say what's up to fire nation and share something interesting about yourself that most people don't know.

1 (1m 39s):
I feel like I should say howdy. Totally. That's the what's up. Something people don't know about me. I would think a lot of people would be shocked to find out that I lived in my car for about six months at 18. Wow.

0 (1m 59s):
I feel like that's something I might've known about you. I'm not positive because when I was going to actually follow up and share, is that something that fire nation doesn't know about you and I is that we actually were both at Tony Robbins' business mastery a little over a year ago in Los Vegas. And we're actually on the same team going through that process. So it's pretty crazy how time flies

1 (2m 24s):
It is. And I, I remember that cause I fan girl, you, Oh yeah, I forgot about, and then we just ended up on the same team. So I was kind of like, you're a mini soccer. You didn't know you had,

0 (2m 37s):
Oh, it was totally meant to be, we had a blast the entire time and definitely would not have wanted to go through that. Cause it was a very interesting process would not have wanted to go through without you, cause you were definitely taking charge. And I was like, you know what, I'm going to kind of hang back a little bit and let some other people step up here because there's some pretty interesting things going on dynamic wise. And if anybody's been to a Tony Robbins event, you know, we're talking about, if you haven't been you don't and that's okay too, but listen, fire nation. We're talking about what happens when business and marriage collide. And Amy, as you heard from my introduction is the person to talk to on this. So let's start with values.

0 (3m 17s):
How Amy do values impact both your marriage and your business.

1 (3m 23s):
Yeah, sure. I think the values they're kind of our true North. So their foundation for how we conduct ourselves in business and in marriage. So I think when we think of values, especially as entrepreneurs, we often think I'm a mass. These are the values of our business. They're our core, our foundation, right? They're the lens that we see everything through. They should be the lens that you're making all your decisions through your values for their business. But often in marriage, we don't see or think of the core values as being that impactful. So they really impact everything you do in both places or what you say, how you do it, the communication methods, how you manage your relationships, your impact on your lives and the world.

1 (4m 13s):
And even when unspoken values kind of underline every single decision you make. But if you're not intentional about them, when you're making the decisions, you will often make missteps. So in business we would make the misstep there, right? But what happens in your marriage? If your values don't align or you don't know the reason behind having them? So what I mean by this is for instance, I have a value, a core value in my life of stability. And that kind of goes back to living in the car, right? I did not have a stable childhood, but my spouse, while he might think stability is good, it's not his core value because he's always had it.

1 (5m 2s):
Right. So when he was working and at one point he was working all over the world and I stayed home with our kids at that time. And part of the problem in our marriage, which we did not know at the time came down to this value. And I kind of call that my angriest wife on earth years, because what I needed was stability. I needed to know when he was home, when he was leaving and kind of where he was at in between and that he was going to come back. And when you have a spouse that travels two to three weeks out of every month, all over the world, you don't know where they're at from one day, the next that doesn't leave you very feeling that way. Right?

1 (5m 42s):
So then all of my other stuff started coming out and impacting it. So I think they just say, this is how I want to live my life. And this is who I am. But the problem arise when we don't really know who we are or our self-worth is damaged. So we don't even know what values and if they're polar opposite from your spouse or polar opposite from your business partner. So I think it's just very important to have a conversation of what your core values are and go deeper into understanding why they are held. So not that's the key right there, not just knowing what the values are that are important to you.

1 (6m 25s):
Go through the exercise, take the list of a hundred, narrow it down to five. It can be done. And then why do you have that value? Because Intel, my spouse realized for an example, why stability was so important to me, everything just fell off the radar and we just disconnected.

0 (6m 44s):
This is really clicking with me right now because I'm actually reading this fascinating book it's called the psychology of money. And they really go in depth in this book about how it's literally impossible for people who have never been through an absolute recession or depression market or economy to really understand what people who have been through that, how they look at money in the markets and the world in general, because there's just coming from two different worlds, just like people who have never experienced inflation. They don't understand how some people who have gone through massive inflation cycles, how they react to money.

0 (7m 25s):
Cause everybody has different perceptions of money because of when you were born, where you were born, what you went through, it's all shaped this understanding of how you deal with money. And that just really clicked with me when you were talking about stability and how your husband has never really had instability in his life on a major level. So he has a hard time relating to you who was having major instability, you know, living in a car, not knowing where you're going to be to take a shower where your next meal might come from. And so for you now, like, you're like, Hey, this is like number one on like my Maslow hierarchy of needs. It's like, I want stability. Like this is what's going to give me this feeling of happiness and satisfaction.

0 (8m 5s):
Your husband's like, well, what do you mean? Like, that's just something that we have. We just have this stability. Cause that's all that he's kind of known throughout his life. And that's really interesting to think fire nation. And it kind of reminds me a little bit Amy about like the five love languages and how like are you speaking that same language and how you can go from a hundred values down to five? Like you said, you can get down there, but man, that's tough. So what are your thoughts on that?

1 (8m 32s):
It absolutely is. And I'll say it, my husband's version of stability in his definition wasn't of it was money. It was achieving success providing for the family to have a stable home. That's what his definition of it was. And I just wanted him to be there or at least know when he was coming and going where he was. I love that you talk about the five love languages. Cause I do that with every single course that I see because it's so black and white and it makes so much sense. And if you're speaking Greek to someone else's German, you're going to have conflict. And you'd be surprised at how many couples are the exact polar opposite in their love languages.

1 (9m 15s):
So one may be acts of service and they may be, you know, cooking and doing the laundry or cleaning out your car for you. But that, you know, that doesn't speak to if that's their love language and they're trying to speak to you in that manner. And all you really want them to do is provide quality time and sit and watch the movie with you. It's you're not going to feel the love from it, but it goes back into the core values, right? So that is the next exercise I always do. It's one that kind of surprises couples because they're not expecting it. But boy, the conversations that come out and just the deep understanding of each other's held beliefs and will, most times you find, you may have a different set of five, but they're not that far from different, right?

1 (10m 5s):
So when you have that, you, you align on so many things, you just have to talk about it. You have to know it and you have to get to know the why behind it on the values.

0 (10m 18s):
Now it seems like it's the minority of being able to have a successful thriving, entrepreneurial business and a successful and thriving marriage. And that's a sad fact, but it seems to be a fact, you hear, you hear about a lot of people struggling and you know, even couples that you see, like quote unquote on Instagram, you know, are having these divorces. And you're like, Oh my God, I thought they were like the happiest couple in the world. And now they're just like done and you're seeing it because things are so public these days. So is it possible to balance a successful business and a successful marriage?

1 (10m 52s):
Yeah, I, it seems impossible at times to do this, but I often hear this is, these are the things that I hear when we're not balancing the marriage and business very well. I hear things like it's just a season just until this product comes out just until I launched this. Or when I achieve X, Y, Z, then we just got to get through this and then I'm going to come back and I'm going to pay attention to my marriage. But what happens is you get to the end of that season or launch or whatever it is, you achieve the massive goal that you set for yourself in business. But there's always another thing after it and another, at another one and before long, your spouse is getting frustrated and there may be cheering you on all the way because they love you, but they're giving something up and that is their time with you.

1 (11m 44s):
So after a while, that becomes frustrating and stressful. So you're going to be celebrating your success alone. It's not healthy for yourself or your marriage to withdraw and focus in on the thing that's taking the most attention of your time in the moment. It's the squeaky wheel running from fire to fire, or sometimes it's simply, you might feel more successful at your job than you do in your marriage. So we just simply start spending a little more time there because we don't want to feel that sense of failure in our relationship.

0 (12m 25s):
This is the kind of thoughts you have to be having fire nation. When you're going through like, Hey, this is what I'm doing day to day in my business. And Hey, this one doing day to day in my marriage and how are those things matching up? So Amy keep on rocking.

1 (12m 40s):
So over time, if you, yeah, you leave it unaddressed. Many couples find themselves in kind of a cycle and they feel trapped in it. So there's tension bubbling under the surface. And at times that tension is very loud. It can go on for years I decades, I've been there. I spent probably 10 years of my marriage being ain, GRI angry. And there's a sense of dread like my husband and I talk about it now, but there's a sense of dread. He had coming home to either a cold, silly reception or even hostile. So then things like criticism, stonewalling, contempt, defensiveness, those are the main types of communication you start using, but they're really just to hide the pain of what's happening in the relationship.

1 (13m 32s):
So then that goes to the cycle of leading to more areas, more hours at work. Then there both partners are having guilt, anger, jealousy, rejection, and it keeps going on and on and on. So if it's left unchecked and you're not talking about it, even the strongest marriages, they're going to have their foundations cracked and eroded over time, even when they're being the cheerleader, because there just isn't that time. It has to be intentional time for both. And you absolutely can balance both

0 (14m 5s):
The spiral of doom fire nation. You have to avoid starting to go down that spiral. Cause just like Amy was sharing it just compounds on top of itself. It's like that snowball going down the Hill, getting more momentum before you know, it might've started off as just like a little disagreement is now this like unstoppable Boulder that is just out of control. And we have so much more value coming at you. As soon as we get back from thinking our sponsors ready to take your at home workouts to the next level fight camp can help fight. Can't bring the boxing gym right to your home with a mix of cardio and conditioning for a full body workout fight. Camp comes with all the gear you need to box at home, including a freestanding punching bag, boxing gloves, quick hand wraps and their unique punch tracking.

0 (14m 51s):
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0 (15m 35s):
Looking for a business coach who has helped thousands of entrepreneurs, just like you to increase their profitability by an average of 104% per year, all for less money than would cost to hire a full-time at minimum wage employee by our nation meet Clay Clark Clay has been coaching businesses just like yours since 2006. Yup. Even through the great recession and he does it for less money than would cost to hire a full-time minimum wage employee at a time when Inc magazine reports that by default 96% of businesses will fail. Within 10 years, clay is helping businesses like yours to grow on average by 104% annually. How's this even possible clay only takes on 160 clients. So he personally designed your business plan. Plus CLIs team helps you execute that plan with access to graphic designers, Google certified search engine, optimizers, web developers, online ad managers, videographers workflow, mappers and accounting coaches visit thrivetimeshow.com/fire to see thousands of video testimonials from real people, just like you, who clay has helped over the years.

0 (16m 29s):
That's right. Do your research and view thousands, not hundreds of proven documented in archived video testimonials from real people, just like you at thrivetimeshow.com/fire, thrive time, show.com/fire. Then schedule your free consultation with clay himself to see how he and his team can help you thrive. So Amy we're back and there are a lot of reasons for conflicts when one, or maybe even both sides of a marriage are entrepreneurs, but I would love for you to break down what you found to be the number one reason for conflicts in a marriage.

1 (17m 3s):
Oh yeah. And I will tell you, it also is going to apply to your business relationship. So there are characteristics that entrepreneurs have that make them successful in business, right? And it's also the very things that can bring down their marriage if they're not careful. So I kind of almost believe there becomes this who wins type of scenario when marriage and business collide, like which one takes the priority. And then what's the fallout for the other side. So if I take this time off to spend with my wife, then I meet her needs. And that provides happiness, which provides me more freedom to go work.

1 (17m 47s):
But there's almost a sense of choosing who is the winner for entrepreneurs, like who gets my time, who wins it? So there's, I've narrowed this down to four things that the conflict in marriage with entrepreneurs are. So we're going to start with four and that's finances, especially in a startup. If the finances are, you know, a struggle, we're starting up, we're putting a lot of money in. Those are some conversations that couples absolutely need to have. The next one is risk-taking, especially if they're not married to another entrepreneur. So entrepreneurs are known for being risk takers.

1 (18m 30s):
And I mean, there's varying degrees in certain levels of that, but if you're not a risk taker, you don't understand the need for it. Right? So you have to come and talk to your spouse about that one as well. The second one coming from the top, most people think this is probably the number one and that's communication. And I greed that is a big reason for conflict in marriage with an entrepreneur. It's a big one communication we can talk about all day long and do probably a hundred podcasts on and still not cover it all. So it's basically knowing that we got to learn each other's communication styles, right?

1 (19m 16s):
But that, isn't the number one reason for conflict and marriage with an entrepreneur. The number one reason is time management. So let me explain a little bit, because I could hear it as people just

2 (19m 30s):
Grown every time I say it,

1 (19m 33s):
They're like, are you

2 (19m 34s):
Serious right now? No, not time management. Yeah.

1 (19m 38s):
Time management. So as entrepreneurs, we could work all the time, especially if you're a visionary, that kind of my brain is always on. It is always coming up with new possibilities, new ideas, new creations. It's very difficult to turn that off. So it's like this 24 hour cycle that even sometimes wakes me up in the middle of the night, but everything kind of seems important or urgent, or I got to document it or I got to move on it. But what happens in marriage is that leaves. But what happens in marriage is that leaves the spouse feeling alone. Like they're not a priority and wondering why they're even married.

1 (20m 20s):
Sometimes if it goes on too long, if you have children, it gets even worse. Their spouse starts feeling like they're a single parent. When the reality is, if we would actually just slow down, it's not going to only improve performance and business, but it's allow you the space to breathe in all areas of your life to address your priorities and your loyalties. So we all have the same of hours in a day. So when I hear, I don't have time to do it all. I take that as a challenge for me to tweak your thinking a little bit, because I get it. We're all living in a busy, fast paced world. We're being busy is rewarded.

1 (21m 2s):
Of course, I get it. There's going to be dinners to attend weeks away, traveling for work and so forth. There's calls and emails in the evening, even when you're trying to watch that movie with your spouse. But if you don't watch it before long, your spouse is going to start feeling like they're not a priority. And when we really drill down on where the time is bent, it becomes a matter of priorities and not the time,

0 (21m 28s):
Time management, fire nation. If you can understand how important this is to get right, he we're taking a giant, giant step forward. And by the way, having built a successful business, but also having a successful marriage. Those two obviously go hand in hand in a perfect world. So let's talk about the importance, Amy, of determining each other's roles and responsibilities in a marriage. Because I think a lot of people don't really understand that there can be this kind of delineation of like, okay, these are your roles. These are my roles. And this can work because we've been very specific. We've determined what these responsibilities are that we're having that I'm having that you're having that.

0 (22m 14s):
We're sharing. Talk about that. Yeah,

1 (22m 17s):
Absolutely. I think it is, this is one vital question and it kind of goes and ties into the one before, when you're not managing your priorities. Well, nobody knows who is the priority. So they may be a physical priority or responsibility or something that we've got to do, but your loyalty is tested by what you put on the calendar. So every time you say yes to something, ask yourself, what do you say no to? Or who are you saying no to? And when you're thinking about roles and responsibilities in your marriage, it's also the same question. What am I saying yes to, but say no to at the same time and which one should have my loyalty or the priority.

1 (23m 0s):
So there's a rule of thumb when you're having a conversation and it's about roles and responsibilities in the marriage. If something is bothering you, but you keep going on and not saying anything about it, the rule of thumb is that bothers you again a day or a week later. It's time to have the conversation, no matter how small you think it is because it's going to become a small problem is going to become a massive problem at some point. But I believe this speaks to more than just roles of responsibility. So this kind of we're on different as a marriage therapist and a business coach, because it doesn't matter what we do for a career entrepreneur leader, fortune 500 CEO, you could be a teacher, a bus driver or a stay at home, mom or dad.

1 (23m 44s):
Every role is important in our life and community. So we have the same core needs to bring balance into our life. There 10 areas of life that each individual person needs to review and address. So this is where I'm different because I want everyone to look at their individual role and responsibilities first, before the business and the marriage. So that is career marital, financial, emotional, physical, social parental. If you have kids, intellectual, your learning hobbies, and your spiritual life. So the question really becomes how can we be successful on an individual level in these 10 areas of life, then look at your marriage and ask what roles some responsibilities do we each tackle.

1 (24m 35s):
It allow us to be healthy human beings on a holistic level so that we can create the space for our individual self career. And most importantly, our marriages. So, all right, all of this ultimately comes back to your careers as well. It's very difficult to have a successful fulfilling career. If we feel we are failing in our marriages, it's very difficult to have a successful fulfilling career. If we feel we are failing our marriages, it weighs us down at our affects. Moods are related all of our relationships at work and at home leaves us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. And ultimately we tend to avoid what we do not Excel at.

1 (25m 17s):
And that comes back full circle and actively impacts those things that we're good at in a negative way. So it comes down to managing the priorities and the 10 areas of life, knowing where your priority and loyalties lie and then making the commitment. So a word of caution on camp, the word commitment I want to talk about for a second as a side note. So there's two definitions of commitment. So if you say I'm going to make a commitment to look at these 10 areas of my life, we're not all going to be good at all. 10, especially right off the bat. I think I only had like two going for me and that was career and marriage because I'm a marriage therapist.

1 (25m 59s):
So that had to be working the rest I was not good at, but commitment is the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause or activity. So it's dedication, devotion, allegiance, loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity. It's those things that you think of when you think of the word commitment, but there's a second definition and it's an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action. So it's a responsibility and obligation, a duty, a tie, a liability, a burden pressure undertaking task. So when we're thinking of commitment, we have to be sure when we're saying, we're going to commit to this, we're going to commit to finding balance in these 10, we're going to commit to spending more time with our spouse and balancing our life and our business.

1 (26m 49s):
You got to make sure your commitment isn't in the negative comes out with, when I do this, if they do this, when you put those conditions, it just sends to your spouse that they're not important

0 (27m 7s):
Fire nation. You can see why I brought Amy on the mic to talk about this topic because she has this covered inside and out. And Amy of everything that we talked about here today, you know, I loved that thing that we talked about when it came to time management. I think that really did raise some people's eyebrows and give some people some aha moments for sure. But what is the one thing that you really want to make sure fire nation gets in this entire conversation that we had, then give us a call to action or any kind of gift you may have for fire nation. And then we'll say goodbye.

1 (27m 40s):
I am passionate about real talk, real relationships and real life. I live in the real world. So when I'm talking to people, I also know that very tell endings they're few and far between. So this whole process that I'm talking about with balance in life and time management, it might seem out of reach at the moment, but I want to challenge fire nation a bit and say, what if it all came down to the simple fact that you didn't know the steps it took to achieve life balance? So it's not something that's taught to us in school and our parents don't didn't know the secrets either. Like you didn't come out of the womb, learning how to ride a bike. So just for a moment, imagine your life.

1 (28m 22s):
If you committed to learning the art of balancing your individual self and the profound impact it would then have on your business and more importantly, your marriage, because you don't have to be constantly grinding in order to be successful. Embrace the fact that rest reflection and simply being still are also essential to the successful and happy life. Out of the thousands of couples I've worked with, I work with mostly entrepreneurs, high achieving professionals in their spouses. The work that we do on the individual basis changes the entire marriage. So people often think of the marriage as it has to be both parts.

1 (29m 4s):
It actually just has to be about the individual person and their ability to manage all the pieces. And honestly, I have seen people take their businesses. And I mean, when I learned this, I went from 80 hour work week to 30 and I make three times what I made in just six months. So I know it works. And as for my gifts to fire nation, I have a couple, I have the core values exercise where I help you break down those hundred things to five in a succinct manner. And not only I'm going to give them to you for your marriage, I'm going to give them to you to implement in your business and with your teams.

1 (29m 51s):
I also have a spark your life assessment, where we measure where you're at on the 10 core areas of your life and give you a way to grow and balance your life from a holistic view. And I'm going to give a free month's peek into our inner circle membership, where we ensure you go from just surviving to thriving in your life, marriage, and business.

0 (30m 11s):
Where is fire nation going to go to get these amazing goodies marriagesparks.com/fire AW and JLD today. So keep up that heat. And if you head over to EOFire.com and type Amy in the search bar, her shoulders page will pop up with everything we talked about today. But of course your direct call to action is to head over to marriagesparks.com/fire for all those three goodies and eight for all those free goodies and Amy real quick, one more time run through those. What do you got for us?

1 (30m 49s):
The core values exercise that they'll only find in my spark reignite your marriage course for their couples and for their business, the spark life assessment and a free month's peak into our inner circle membership,

0 (31m 5s):
Fire nation, get over their marriagesparks.com/fire. Amy, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with fire nation today, for that we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side.

1 (31m 18s):
Thank you so much. It was good talking to you.

0 (31m 20s):
Hey, fire nation today's value bound content was brought to you by Amy in. If you've ever thought about creating a podcast of your own, we have the podcast journal for you. It is a gorgeous, full other journal that will guide you step-by-step and the creation and launch of your podcast. In 50 days, visit the podcast journal.com use promo code podcast for a $15 discount as a thank you for listening to my podcast and I'll catch you there, or I'll catch you on the flip

3 (31m 48s):
Side, looking for

0 (31m 50s):
A business coach who has helped thousands of entrepreneurs, just like you to increase our profitability by an average of 104% per year, all for less money than would cost to hire a full-time minimum wage employee. Schedule your free consultation today with Clay Clark, a former small business administration entrepreneur of the year thrivetimeshow.com/fire thrivetimeshow.com/fire. We're all looking for new ways to stay active from home these days and fight camp can help fight can't brings the boxing gym right to your home with a mix of cardio and conditioning for a full body workout. Visit join fightcamp.com/fire to get free shipping on your new gym today.

0 (32m 30s):
That's join fightcamp.com/fire.